January 2

Someone called the house phone and I had the good fortune of answering it. Generally, we all ignore it and let it ring until the answering machine gets it or the caller gives up. But for some reason, I decided I would answer the phone because I don’t have anything important that to do anymore (now that school is done).

I answer the phone and the caller says, “Hi, this is Joe from Roscoe Meats.”

I hesitate a second before saying, “Okay.”

A silence stretches between for an awkward second before Joe repeats himself: This is Joe from Roscoe Meats.”

I decide that I shouldn’t just say ‘okay’ again, so I instead say, “Yes, hi.”

At this point, both Joe and I are confused and I’m not sure what he wants me to say to him. So I attempt to shed some light on what’s going on by saying, “My parents aren’t home.” Yes, I know, I’m a 22 year old graduate that still lives at home, but I can still use the ‘I’m not the adult of the house’ card.

“Okay,” Joe says. “Is there another number for me to call?”

This was getting out of hand and I didn’t want to give this random person my parents’ cell phone numbers, and honestly they probably wouldn’t even answer it, so Joe would still have the same problem he does now.

“Can you just call here later?” I ask instead.

“Sure,” Joe says. “Can you just tell them I called?”

“Yeah,” I say, happy that Joe and I seem to be on the same page.

But then Joe says, “Do you have any beef over there?”

I pause near the window that looks out into our backyard. “What?”

“Do you have beef?”

“Like a cow?” I ask, immediately regretting saying that. “Because yes, we have four of those.” Wincing, I could almost hear Joe’s silence translating into “you’re an idiot.”

“Uh, never mind,” Joe from Roscoe Meats says. “I’ll just call back later.”

“Okay,” I say. Thank goodness because I wasn’t sure I could handle much more of this conversation.

I hung up the phone thankful that I sounded like a 15 year old boy on the phone. At least Joe from Roscoe Meats probably thought I was a child and not a fully formed adult with a degree in English.