March 9

All of it happened because I wanted chocolate from Spain. It seemed like an easy thing for Carl to do: he was working at a chocolate factory (queue the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory jokes) and should be able to easily obtain the chocolate for me.

     Turns out that wasn’t the case.

     On Carl’s last day of working at the factory, I wake up to 12 missed texts from him, which isn’t super unusual because Spain is seven hours ahead of my time, but 12 seemed like a high number to have sent during the night (my night time, his morning). I wasn’t too worried until I got to the text: “I fucked up just a bit.”

     That had me a little concerned, and reading the proceeding texts didn’t help me figure out exactly what was going on, but the “two people think I have a girlfriend back in the states” did clear things up a little.

     This was, of course, not upsetting to me because what else was new? There was a lengthy list of people that believed Carl and I were dating and I didn’t really think that list was going to shorten anytime soon.

     But Carl was mostly worried about what his family would say when they arrived in Spain the next day and were told by the two people that he had a girlfriend now. He didn’t want them to think that he actually did have one, only to “break their little hearts.” This was mostly because they would, in fact, love the idea of us dating, so them finding out it was a lie would only do more harm than anything else.

     We both decided to ignore this in favor to discuss how to deal with the two (still unknown to me) people that thought we were dating.

     Carl’s solution was to ask me to be his girlfriend for a short period of time so that I could get my chocolate.

     Naturally, I told him that I would of course do that. Because that’s part of the best friend code; if one of us needs a quick, fake boyfriend or girlfriend, then we’d step up and have each other’s back. Obviously.

     This prompted Carl to send me several long texts about how this whole thing happened. Not surprising, my chocolate was the root of the problem.

     It was the end of the work day for Carl, and he needed to talk to his 66 year old boss, Trudy, who loves Carl (add her to the fan club), but was having a rough day because of the overwhelming amount of work she had. Knowing this and knowing that she was into romantic gestures, Carl decided that best way to get her help was to tell her that he needed chocolate to send to his girlfriend back home in the states. He figured she would be happy to help, which she was, and that I would get a bigger box out of the deal, which I did.

     Carl figured that was the end of it. Wrong.

     The next morning, Carl was driving with his host father, Rafael, who was reading an email from Trudy out loud about how great Carl was during his time working for her. She ends the email with a quick “I also gave him a box of chocolate for his girlfriend.”

     So now the list has expanded to two people believing Carl has a girlfriend: Trudy and Rafael. If Carl wasn’t careful, that list was going to keep expanding.

     Trying to get ahead of that, Carl texted Rafael later to tell him that “All of Spain doesn’t need to know about the romantic gesture.”

     Rafael apparently was fine with all that, but then an hour later asked, “Why is it a secret? I am becoming puzzled…”

     Carl, feeling like he was backed into a corner, decided that honesty was the best policy so he told me that “we’re tots dating.”

     He seemed a little worried about my reaction to that, but I thought it was the funniest thing that I had heard in a long time and I was more than willing to play along, especially considering that this all happened because I really wanted some chocolate.

     We figured that this news of our recent development wouldn’t reach American ears, but in case it did, I had two options: I could deny everything, or I could roll with it for a bit. Or, coming up with a third option, I could buy my family’s silence with chocolate and the truth.

     Turned out that none of this came to pass because Rafael respects the bro code and agreed to keep quiet about it all, so the next day I wake up to only one text from Carl: “Babe, listen. What we had, it’s gone. The fire that was once our love has faded. I’ve tried everything to reignite it, but I fear it’s gone forever. Thus, I have no choice, but to break up with you. I hope that we can still be friends.” We were back to our best friend status, which we had never left.

     So, for a brief moment, Carl and I “dated” so that I could get chocolate from Spain.